Project Bug-Hammer
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
High Powered Tactics to Defeat the Bitey Insect Threat.
Introduction
Ever been bitten by a mosquito? Had a tick make your epidermis its home? Do
midges plague your barbecues? Does it make you angry? Don't get angry, get
even - speak to Project Bug-Hammer.
midges plague your barbecues? Does it make you angry? Don't get angry, get
even - speak to Project Bug-Hammer.
Our Aim
Project Bug-Hammer is committed to one thing - getting even with every last
godforsaken biting insect on the planet. If those NASA dudes ever find bitey bugs
on other planets, we'll be coming for those critters too. This is not about
prophylaxis; this is not about repellent; this is not even about extermination; this is
about revenge.
godforsaken biting insect on the planet. If those NASA dudes ever find bitey bugs
on other planets, we'll be coming for those critters too. This is not about
prophylaxis; this is not about repellent; this is not even about extermination; this is
about revenge.
Our Tactics
Here at Project Bug-Hammer we are not declaring Open Season on bitey insects -
we're declaring War. We don't want to simply kill them all, we want them to suffer
first. To this end, Project Bug-Hammer is developing a number of weapons which will
ultimately be deployed in mankind's greatest conflict - The Bug Wars.
we're declaring War. We don't want to simply kill them all, we want them to suffer
first. To this end, Project Bug-Hammer is developing a number of weapons which will
ultimately be deployed in mankind's greatest conflict - The Bug Wars.
The Kit
| Anti-Bug Bounding Mine |
Weighing in at a minuscule micro-gram a piece, these
mines are packed with all of the latest features:
These mines have been specifically designed to give the
best chance of causing horrific injury to the bug, thus
taking two or more bugs out of the fight whilst they tend to
their fallen comrade. This will be in vain though, because
even if they do get the victim to a field hospital, the non-
metallic shrapnel with be undetectable with any current
technology - making removal impossible and a slow death
a certainty.
mines are packed with all of the latest features:
- Remote, trip-wire, or pressure detonation.
- Zero IR signature.
- Anti-handling device.
- Non-metallic payload.
These mines have been specifically designed to give the
best chance of causing horrific injury to the bug, thus
taking two or more bugs out of the fight whilst they tend to
their fallen comrade. This will be in vain though, because
even if they do get the victim to a field hospital, the non-
metallic shrapnel with be undetectable with any current
technology - making removal impossible and a slow death
a certainty.
Anti-Flying Bug Gatling Gun Battery
Much of the bug threat is airborne (we heard they failed the
Commando Course). Bring 'em back down to earth with a bump,
with the Project Bug-Hammer 0.0050mm calibre Gatling Gun
Battery.
Consisting of an ultra-high definition target acquisition radar,
linked to a 6 barrelled Gatling Gun, and chain fed with Small
Monkey Productions bespoke Anti-Bug High Explosive Incendiary
Tracer Ammunition. This system can simultaneously track up to
50 incoming bugs at any given moment; our patented
Cryptographers-U-Like Heuristics will classify them according to
threat level, and engage the most dangerous first.
Commando Course). Bring 'em back down to earth with a bump,
with the Project Bug-Hammer 0.0050mm calibre Gatling Gun
Battery.
Consisting of an ultra-high definition target acquisition radar,
linked to a 6 barrelled Gatling Gun, and chain fed with Small
Monkey Productions bespoke Anti-Bug High Explosive Incendiary
Tracer Ammunition. This system can simultaneously track up to
50 incoming bugs at any given moment; our patented
Cryptographers-U-Like Heuristics will classify them according to
threat level, and engage the most dangerous first.
| Bug-Palm |
The Geneva Convention specifically prohibits the use of
incendiary-type weapons against personnel. Fortunately,
the definition of personnel excludes anything with 6 legs or
more that wants to bite you. So why not use a little
Bug-Palm?
A proprietary mix of kerosene, N-N-Diethyl-m-Toluamide,
and Dave's Gourmet Insanity Sauce, Bug-Palm will bring a
good old-fashioned taste of the Nam to your vendetta.
Available in 5 microlitre drums for air dispersal, and in
grenade or mine form. Bulk discount available.
incendiary-type weapons against personnel. Fortunately,
the definition of personnel excludes anything with 6 legs or
more that wants to bite you. So why not use a little
Bug-Palm?
A proprietary mix of kerosene, N-N-Diethyl-m-Toluamide,
and Dave's Gourmet Insanity Sauce, Bug-Palm will bring a
good old-fashioned taste of the Nam to your vendetta.
Available in 5 microlitre drums for air dispersal, and in
grenade or mine form. Bulk discount available.
| Monkey Wisdom Corner |
| <Singing> Spiderman, spiderman, does anything a spider can - so how does he get out of the bath? |