New Year's Resolutions
A Sure-fire Plan
Apparently, some of the most popular resolutions involve
losing weight, getting fitter and the like.  Subscriptions to
gyms, weight-loss clubs etc etc go through the roof in
January;  this is largely because people are under the
delusion that they can make life-changing decisions (and
stick with them) after several hours of drinking.
By the Small Monkey
Back
Gym memberships cost money, so do weight-loss club
subscriptions.  We at Small Monkey Productions feel it
unfair that you, the discerning punter, should be fleeced of
your hard-earned cash like this.  After all, that is what our
various products and services are for.  Therefore, we are
pleased to offer you free, gratis, and completely without
strings:
The Small Monkey Guaranteed Weight Loss Plan
So there you go - a guaranteed weight loss (and general
muscle tone improvement plan) for no cash at all.

You're welcome.
Just follow these simple steps:

1.  Eat less.

2.  Do more exercise.

In the event that you find yourself without the necessary
willpower and motivation to carry out this plan, rest
assured that paying your local gym $50 a month to learn
precisely the same thing is far more painful.  Once
again, you're welcome.